My brain hurts


I finally get a moment where I don’t have to do anything.  Other than being bored, I’m not sure what to do with myself.  So, I have decided to go to Starbucks.  I spend entirely too much time (and money) here.

School is going well.  It  is proving to be a wee bit harder than I anticipated.  I was not counting on the amount of math involved.  Math is not my strong suit.  Not even close.  This makes more poor little brain hurt.  I’m sure there must be smoke coming out of my ears.

And these math problems don’t make sense to me.  They don’t make sense to anyone else I have shown them to. Questions such as “A monthly mortgage payment is $980.00 and the balance of the mortgage is $118,000 payable at an interest rate of 6.5%.  How much of the next mortgage payment will be applied towards the reduction of principle?”.

Why not call the mortgage company and ask like a normal person?

There are a lot of these types of questions.

I asked a friend of mine who is a Realtor about the math.  She told me that math is used all that much in the real world.  She said that there are other ways to find out the information and that some of it changes on a  daily basis.

Just more frustration for me.  Grrr.

End of rant.



Back to school

Less than a week until I start real estate school.  I am a bit nervous anxious since I have been out of school for so long.  I will have to learn the whole studying thing over again.  And then there is homework.  Plus, this time I own a house and have things to do around there.  I know it should be a simple and exciting time, but instead I turn it into an anxiety attack.

Recently I have found that since I am on unemployment, they will pay for me to go back to school.  I have an appointment next week to speak to someone about getting into school.  If I do, I won’t use it for real estate school.  The cost of that is low enough that I can pay for it out of pocket.  I will choose a different career path to fall back on.

So, now, I will potentially be going to two different schools.  At the same time.  In addition, trying to run a household.

Why do I do this to myself?

The good part is that real estate school is only 3 days a week and the duration is only for about 2 1/2 months.  I think I will be drinking a lot of caffiene in the near future.  More than I do now.  Which is a lot.

In other news, well, there isn’t any.  I’ve mentioned a few times that my life is dull.  I’m not kidding.

Long time a’comin’

Nearly two years since a post.  Shame on me.

Truthfully, I am neither a writer nor a blogger.  This blog become a bitch fest about the break up of relationship and was cheaper than therapy.  I also delved a bit into self discovery.

A lot has happened and not much has happened.  I think that I mentioned to Pennsylvania.  First, I moved to the Lehigh Valley, then down to PA Dutch Country.  I met a new guy and after awhile we bought a house together.  That about explains the last two years in a nutshell.

I was recently laid off and that sent me on another journey of self discovery.  I am approaching 40.  What do I want to do with my life?  I have gone about as far as I could go in my last career path (Administrative), not to mention I was bored as hell with it.

I did some soul searching and one of the things that I have always wanted to do was get into real estate.  So, I emailed the realtor we used to buy our house and that opened up a dialog.  We emailed back and forth and she set up an appointment to meet with “The Broker of Records” at her firm.  She and I had a nice chat and she offered me a position on the spot.  Now, all I have to do is get licensed to be a realtor.  I start my classes in less than two weeks.

I have already started (trying) to network and get my “brand” out there.  I just have to create a brand.  I was told that I need a “niche” in order to stand out.  I think I have mine.  Or at least one of them.  While looking for a house here in PA Dutch Country, we couldn’t find a gay realtor.  In fact, our first realtor was quite ignorant, inappropriate, unprofessional and so we fired her.  Then we met our second realtor who couldn’t care less that we were gay.  Point is, googled as much as I could, and couldn’t find a LGBT friendly realtor in the entire area.

So, at least in the beginning, that will be my niche.

I have started another blog about Real Estate, a Facebook page and a Twitter.  Currently, all are blank.  I am more interested in getting names and such registered.

So, that pretty much is what I have been up to for the past two years.

You look good for your age…

I’m tired of hearing that.  Really, I am.

What is wrong with just “You look good”?  Period.

I went out clubbing in New York City and was told that.  I have been told that several times since.  I am only 36.  I could understand if I were in my 50s.  But seriously, being in my 30s and mistaken for being in my 20s then being told that I look good for my age is a bit trite.

Why is the gay community so hung up with age?  Why is it that 30 somethings want someone in their 20s?  I really don’t get it.  Are we, as a community that vain?  What the hell does a 21 year old have in common with a 38 year old?

I guess I am different in that regard.  I want someone around my age.  I want someone that I can grow old with, not that I can watch grow old or vice versa.


Wow, I haven’t posted anything on here in quite some time.  I wish I could say that it was because I have been busy or that nothing has been going on worth blogging about.  But that is not the case.

A lot has been going on since my last post.  I just had no desire to share it with the world…until now.

My supposed great relationship is no longer.  I know, you are thinking “poor guy”. Let me tell  you that that is far from the case.  I am happy to be single.  I, actually, have not been happier for quite some time.

I made the mistake of giving him my blogs URL early on in our relationship.  I don’t know how often he visited my blog, or if he ever did, but I no longer had that anonymity to posting.  If I posted anything, obviously he would know who I was talking about.  So, I bottled everything up.  I am now going to give myself release….

Our relationship started out well.  He was sweet, attentive, generally the nice guy I had been looking for.  The longer we were together, the more that facade started to chip away.  I found myself with someone very different that I thought he was when we started going out.

A month and a half into our relationship we had our first fight.  We were at a bar and were sitting at a table drinking when he turned to me and said, out of the blue, “You’re not the hottest one here”.  Wait,what?  Excuse me?

I know that.  It does not need to be said.  It wasn’t prompted.  We were not even talking about hottness or looks or anything close to that.  Needless to say, it put me in a bad mood, as well as made me depressed.  His friend was with us and noticed the change in my mood and asked me what was wrong.  When I told him he said “Are you kidding me?  I can’t believe he said that”.  I eventually decided to just go home and told him I was leaving.  He sent me a text message several hours later saying “Don’t ever contact me again”.

The stupid idiot that I am chased him down and tried to make up.  He needed some time.  Really?  Aren’t I the one who was put down?  After talking for about an hour, all was “well” again.

However, the running was to become the theme of our relationship.

Whenever we had a fight, he wanted to run.  To end the relationship.  I am the one who chased him down and had to smooth everything over.  Even when the fight was not my fault.

A week before Christmas we got into a fight.  He hit me.  That was the first time in my life that I have ever been hit.  I didn’t know what to do.  I’m ashamed with myself in the fact that I did not fight back.

He apologized and I accepted his apology.  At the time he was taking prescription testosterone supplements and used that as his excuse as to why he was aggressive.  I accepted his reason, but I never accepted it.  He is 40 years old and should know how to control himself.  Whether or not the supplements played a part in him hitting me, he still hit me.

On New Year’s Eve, we had another fight.  Again, he cornered me in the bedroom and was getting ready to hit me.  I laid him out flat this time.  He never touched me again.

In February, we decided to leave Delaware and move to Pennsylvania.  I hoped the move would rejuvenate our relationship.  It did.  For about a week.

The fights resumed, and he wanted to runaway.  Finally, we had a fight in early April and as usual, he wanted to leave.  This time I let him.  I had had it by that point.  I told him to get out.

His response was “I will be out by Friday” (it was Tuesday).  I think it was an effort to stall, realizing that I had reached my breaking point.  I didn’t give it.  I told him I wanted him out by the end of the day.

He left around 5 that evening and I have not heard from him since.

I did not mourn the end of our relationship, I did not shed a tear.  That evening I realized I could breathe again.  I could smile again.  I could be me again.

I have not looked back.

I am happy here in Pennsylvania.  I have made a new and great group of friends.  I have a job that I love and I have enrolled back in college.

I think I have finally found the place that I belong.  I just wish the journey wasn’t so chaotic.

Maybe i should just take a nap

Snow.  It is so pretty.  And so ugly at the same time.  I enjoy snow, I do.  I like those snow storms that drop about 5″, make everything look pretty for a little while and then melt a day or two later.

We haven’t had any storms like that this year.  Oh, no.  We have had huge storms dropping over a foot at a time.  The snow is there for days, even weeks later.  Then another storm hits, adding to the horrible white stuff.

Such as today.  The region where I live got slammed with snow, with some areas getting over two feet of snow.  And more is expected in a few days.  Really?  Can’t it just be spring?  Now, please?

So, here I sit.  Snowed in and bored out of my mind.  Maybe I will join the dog and take a nap.


Merry Christmas!  I hope you had a great holiday.

I had a nice Christmas today.  My partner and I baked cookies all morning and then made Christmas dinner.  It was just the two of us (and the dog).  It was one of the better Christmases that I have had in recent memory.


I have been thinking about home lately.  I miss it, a lot.  Even though it is only a 3 1/2 hour drive from here, I don’t go very often.  In fact, I rarely go.  I love to go and visit, see old friends and family, places that I used to love going.  I don’t go because every time it is time to leave, it gets harder to come back here.

Today, I received a phone call from an old friend.  She called to tell me that she misses me and wants me to come up and visit.  I am thinking about coming up soon to see her.  It would be a lot of fun but hard to leave.

Darkness falls

I am sitting here, all alone.  My Partner is in the ER with his friend who is sick.  I am here, in this house….alone.  It seems…well…that we have two ghosts here.

One, is a human entity.  We both have seen it as well as felt it’s presence.  It seems it tries to stay out of our way and stay in one of our unoccupied rooms.  It does show it’s presence by knocking and banging on random occasions.  We both have seen it as a “shadow” walking through the living room.

The other presence here, we believe, oddly enough, is a cat.  Yes, I said it, a cat.  I have seen it, it appears to be either gray or black.  I see it out of the corner of my eye, walking towards the couch and jumping up onto it, then disappearing.  I have been stretched out on the couch, stretched my legs out, and felt something curled up at the end of the couch.  When I look, of course, nothing is there.

The “problem” ghost seems to be the cat.  It seems to like me, as I feel it around me all the time.  It seems to follow me and stay around me.  The problem is, it seems to not like Thom, my partner.  He keep getting these scratches, that look like cat scratches, that appear on his body, that we have no explanation for.  Some appear as he is sitting in the chair watching t.v.  I am not quite sure what to make of all this.

I am not scared.  I am unsettled.  I have lived with the paranormal before.  I have just never experienced it when it attacks someone.  So far, it just seems to be limited to him.  I almost want to interact with it and do my own “ghost hunt”.  I want answers.  Who are they?  Why are the here?  And what do they want?

I am about to go to sleep here for the first time by myself.  Wish me luck.