I’m tired, but I don’t want to go to bed.  I have a million thoughts racing through my mind.  I feel like I have lost everything.  I no longer have my boyfriend.  My best friend lives all the way up in Newark.  I feel so lost and alone.  Nowhere to turn.

I keep flashing to various events over the past few months.  I think of when I first met my boyfriend.  That night we went to the Iron Skillet for dinner with another friend.  My soon-to-be boyfriend was cute and flirty.

I think about the things we used to do.  I also think back to when I used to drive him to and from work and hanging out on the campus and his office.  About when we drove up to the Philadelphia Outlets at midnight on Black Friday.  And about how we gave up once we saw the traffic trying to get there.

I am thinking about when we went to North Carolina.  I met his family and friends.  He took me to all of the places that he used to frequent and still loves.  I am thinking about when he took me to pet the cows.  And when we took the Blue Ridge Parkway home.  Not to mention when we went to the Cheerwine bottling plant and the distributor.

I am thinking about our home, our bed, and him smoothing over the promises made in the sheets.


2 comments on “Thinking

  1. They say time heals all wounds, I am not sure that is true, but I do know that it helps to form calluses at the very least. I am reading all your posts, the testing, the songs, the memories, and I think…wow, what bravery, what true human bravery. You are sharing ourself in this moment with the millions that could read it, so you are not alone, yet you must still carry the burden alone. Our thoughts are our own, but we are not our thoughts. We have emotions, yet we are not our emotions. We have our feelings, but yet we are not those feelings. We have our bodies, yet we are not our bodies. We are truly that inward I AM, and you are traveling inward to that place again, to find out who drives the bus, (so to speak)who is the inward I. I don’t know you, I don’t know your life, but I had to comment because what I felt while reading your words was a person that is in pain yes, but so much more too. And that is beauty-full. I hope you feel better soon, but I know that we all have to travel at our own speeds. Just know that your thoughtful honesty has touched at least one stranger today and made a life better for it.

  2. Thank you for your beautiful comment! Time does heal all wounds, time is all that i have now. Instead of bottling it all up and trying to pretend that I am fine, I decided to just bare my soul to the world. It really has been helping me to cope. Once I get the words out, the pain and sorrow lessens.

    And if I touch other peoples lives, then it is all the more worth it.

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