Run


Wow, I haven’t posted anything on here in quite some time.  I wish I could say that it was because I have been busy or that nothing has been going on worth blogging about.  But that is not the case.

A lot has been going on since my last post.  I just had no desire to share it with the world…until now.

My supposed great relationship is no longer.  I know, you are thinking “poor guy”. Let me tell  you that that is far from the case.  I am happy to be single.  I, actually, have not been happier for quite some time.

I made the mistake of giving him my blogs URL early on in our relationship.  I don’t know how often he visited my blog, or if he ever did, but I no longer had that anonymity to posting.  If I posted anything, obviously he would know who I was talking about.  So, I bottled everything up.  I am now going to give myself release….

Our relationship started out well.  He was sweet, attentive, generally the nice guy I had been looking for.  The longer we were together, the more that facade started to chip away.  I found myself with someone very different that I thought he was when we started going out.

A month and a half into our relationship we had our first fight.  We were at a bar and were sitting at a table drinking when he turned to me and said, out of the blue, “You’re not the hottest one here”.  Wait,what?  Excuse me?

I know that.  It does not need to be said.  It wasn’t prompted.  We were not even talking about hottness or looks or anything close to that.  Needless to say, it put me in a bad mood, as well as made me depressed.  His friend was with us and noticed the change in my mood and asked me what was wrong.  When I told him he said “Are you kidding me?  I can’t believe he said that”.  I eventually decided to just go home and told him I was leaving.  He sent me a text message several hours later saying “Don’t ever contact me again”.

The stupid idiot that I am chased him down and tried to make up.  He needed some time.  Really?  Aren’t I the one who was put down?  After talking for about an hour, all was “well” again.

However, the running was to become the theme of our relationship.

Whenever we had a fight, he wanted to run.  To end the relationship.  I am the one who chased him down and had to smooth everything over.  Even when the fight was not my fault.

A week before Christmas we got into a fight.  He hit me.  That was the first time in my life that I have ever been hit.  I didn’t know what to do.  I’m ashamed with myself in the fact that I did not fight back.

He apologized and I accepted his apology.  At the time he was taking prescription testosterone supplements and used that as his excuse as to why he was aggressive.  I accepted his reason, but I never accepted it.  He is 40 years old and should know how to control himself.  Whether or not the supplements played a part in him hitting me, he still hit me.

On New Year’s Eve, we had another fight.  Again, he cornered me in the bedroom and was getting ready to hit me.  I laid him out flat this time.  He never touched me again.

In February, we decided to leave Delaware and move to Pennsylvania.  I hoped the move would rejuvenate our relationship.  It did.  For about a week.

The fights resumed, and he wanted to runaway.  Finally, we had a fight in early April and as usual, he wanted to leave.  This time I let him.  I had had it by that point.  I told him to get out.

His response was “I will be out by Friday” (it was Tuesday).  I think it was an effort to stall, realizing that I had reached my breaking point.  I didn’t give it.  I told him I wanted him out by the end of the day.

He left around 5 that evening and I have not heard from him since.

I did not mourn the end of our relationship, I did not shed a tear.  That evening I realized I could breathe again.  I could smile again.  I could be me again.

I have not looked back.

I am happy here in Pennsylvania.  I have made a new and great group of friends.  I have a job that I love and I have enrolled back in college.

I think I have finally found the place that I belong.  I just wish the journey wasn’t so chaotic.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s